James Van Der Beek marked his 48th birthday by reflecting on the “hardest year of his life,” as he continues to battle cancer.
As the “Dawson’s Creek” star confessed his journey with colorectal cancer has deeply impacted his marriage and family, Van Der Beek leaned on his faith through a tumultuous time.
In a social media video posted on March 8 and titled, “What cancer taught me,” the Hollywood actor began to share what he took away from his “48th trip around the sun.”
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“Today’s my birthday and it has been the hardest year of my life,” Van Der Beek began.
“When I was younger, I used to define myself as an actor, which was never all that fulfilling, and then I became a husband… it was much better and then I became a father… that was the ultimate,” he said to his 1.6 million followers on Instagram.
Van Der Beek shares six children with his wife Kimberly — Olivia, 14, Joshua, 13, Annabel, 11, Emilia, 8, Gwendolyn, 6, and Jeremiah, 2.
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The father-of-six pointed out that during his cancer battle he was forced to “look my own mortality in the eye.”
“I had to come nose to nose with death,” he remarked. “And all those definitions that I cared so deeply about were stripped from me.”
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“I was away for treatment, so I could no longer be a husband who was helpful to my wife,” Van Der Beek continued. “I could no longer be a father who could pick up his kids and put them to bed and be there for them. I could not be a provider because I wasn’t working.”
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During his cancer journey, the actor admitted he began to question if he was “just a too-skinny, weak guy, alone in an apartment with cancer … what am I?”
The “Varsity Blues” star said at that moment he leaned on his faith.
“I am worthy of God’s love simply because I exist,” he shared. “And if I’m worthy of God’s love, shouldn’t I also be worthy of my own?”
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“As I move through this healing portal toward recovery,” Van Der Beek said, “I wanted to share that with you because that revelation that came to me was in no small part to all the prayers and the love that had been directed toward me.”
He went on to say, “I certainly don’t claim to know what God is or explain God, my efforts to connect to God are an ongoing process that is a constant unfolding mystery to me.”
“But, if it’s a trigger that feels too religious, you can take the word God out of your mantra and it can simply be ‘I am worthy of love.’ Because you are.”
Van Der Beek has remained in good spirits as he battles stage 3 colorectal cancer.
According to the Mayo Clinic, “many treatments can help control” colorectal cancer, including “surgery, radiation therapy and medicines, such as chemotherapy, targeted therapy and immunotherapy.”
In November 2024, Van Der Beek first revealed his diagnosis in a statement to People: “I have colorectal cancer. I’ve been privately dealing with this diagnosis and have been taking steps to resolve it, with the support of my incredible family.”
“There’s reason for optimism, and I’m feeling good,” he added.
